Celebrating Your Child
Having a baby is an event that brings many reasons to celebrate. However, when we receive a diagnosis of Trisomy 18, it can be hard to overcome the sadness and to find a reason to celebrate the joy of our children. How do I treat my pregnancy and bond with my baby knowing that my child has Trisomy 18? How do I celebrate his/her birth? How do I cope with birthdays and holidays if my child has passed away? How do I involve my other, living children? Why do I need to celebrate – and how? No matter how short your child’s life, it is always very special and worth celebrating. Here are some suggestions for celebrating your very special, beloved child.
Pregnancy is a time to bond with your unborn baby. Some mothers find that this may be the only precious time they will get with their baby and use the time to the fullest. There are many things to do to celebrate the life and love you have inside. You can start interacting with the baby, sing, talk, or read to the baby (you might even buy a special book). Try something fun with your unborn baby, like a trip to the zoo or a special activity. You might try keeping a pregnancy journal to record the baby’s actions, milestones, progression of pregnancy, or you might want to include Ultrasound Pictures or pregnancy portraits. Anything you would do to celebrate any pregnancy is appropriate for this child as well.
Your child’s birth is a scary time, yet it is still exciting. For many, meeting their child is the most anticipated moment, and they are surprised to find that it is not all about sadness, but is also about much love and joy! Slow down and savor every moment with your child. As much as you can, make the birth experience what you want it to be. Think through what you want ahead of time, and enlist the help of nurses, friends, and family to make it happen. Include loved ones if you wish, or simply share a quiet, peaceful time with your child. Have someone take lots of pictures and video for you, so you can focus on your baby and not on the pictures. Bathe, sing to, or read to the baby if you wish, even if your child is born still. Your child’s life is worth celebrating, in whatever ways you feel appropriate.
Birth announcements are a great way to celebrate your child’s life and to let others know that you want them to celebrate with you. You might even hold a “birth” day party to celebrate the baby’s arrival, or key milestones, such as days, weeks or months. You can also create a Legacy Page. This will help you show off your baby (as you would normally) to friends and family, and share the birth experience.
Even for the parents that chose or choose not to see their babies after birth, your child still can be celebrated. You might want to send out special cards or announcements for your child’s birth to heaven, or create a Legacy Page in your child’s honor. These are very special ways to honor your child and show others just how much your child means to you. Amidst the sadness, there is also great pride and love.
Birthdays can be very bittersweet. Whether or not your child has passed, there are many ways in which you can celebrate the love you have for your little one. You can take a special family trip (for example, go to the beach and carve your child’s name in the sand); have a party with balloons or angel food cake,; release prayers, notes or pictures through balloons,; release butterflies,; decorate the gravesite or area where your child is; make donations to support organizations, local charities or hospitals in your child’s name (books to the Library, preemie clothes to the hospital),; go to a special place for dinner where you can be together to talk and celebrate your child; plant a tree; light a birthday candle; sing songs; or have a small celebration at the gravesite or area where your child is. There are no right or wrong ways to celebrate your child’s special day!
Holidays can be a very stressful time that parents often dread. How do you celebrate? Do you do things differently? How do you cope and still keep your child as a part of your life and family celebrations? We will have some specific tips for celebrating your child during the holidays in our 4th quarter newsletter.
Funeral celebrations are something that many might find hard to think about, but they can be a wonderful chance to celebrate your child’s life. Some families make the memorial service a celebration of life, including special songs, poems, photos and/or videos to help others understand just how special their child is. Involving siblings is a healthy way for everyone to celebrate. They can help with anything from choosing the flowers, poems, or songs to saying the prayer or lighting the candle, or simply draw a picture.
All of these ideas offer ways to celebrate your child. In the next support newsletter, we will share many ways of making joyful memories of your child, even some memories that can be made after your child has passed away. Celebrating, even in the sadness, helps your heart to begin to heal, and will allow you remember your child with more and more joy as time passes. Celebrate your child in whatever ways feel right to you; you will be glad you did.
